Hitting up that TURK-T BABY!

As promised- This post is a list of pros and cons about using a Turkish toilet.

Pro- 100% natural defecation position. Humans have been squatting and releasing torrents of excrement in this fashion for centuries. When you push brown on a Turk you're sharing the experience of all your ancestors all the way to the beginning of man. The connection to an ancient and universal consciousness weighs on your spirit just as gravity aids the progress of your morning ritual.

Con- Mud Butt

Pro- Decreases idle bathroom time. Most people don't want to be bare-assed sitting on their haunches any longer than they have to be.

Con- Decreases idle bathroom time. Some of the greatest ideas occurred on the throne. What if Da Vinci hadn't had to take a double flusher during which he drew the Vitruvian Man. Or if "Bosey" Reiter didn't have the beer shits and never invented the forward pass? What if Al Gore hadn't gotten Montezuma's revenge and invented the internet? What if John Harrington hadn't spent that fine and historic evening squatting over a hole contemplating a "better way..."

Pro- If you can poop in a Turk you can drop D's anywhere. Semper Paratus... Kirajen!

Con- There is a chance your legs could fall asleep at which time you might capsize and "tip" over.

Pro-Decreases your chance of colon cancer. No one wants that.

Con- Increases the chance of fecal matter getting on your shoes, pants, unds, etc. No one wants that!

Pro- Saves water.

Con-Scorpions and other pests use the Turk as a conduit to biting, stinging and generally harassing your soft undercarriage whilst you are most vulnerable.

Pro- Prolonged and frequent use increases hip mobility and proprioceptive leg strength and endurance.

Con- Turks are hard to find in the global Northwest. If you fall in love with the freedom a Turk offers you may, one day, find yourself driving a desk at the left of center Non-profit job your masters degree landed you in daydreaming of the exciting life wrought of instability and relative poverty you left behind in whatever LDC backwater Turk you first dropped bombs of a suspect consistency and color into. You may even realize that your first world problems of what shower curtain to buy or whether or not you ran enough circles around a track to deserve a 470 calorie 16 oz festive eggnog latte truly pale in comparison to the conundrum presented to you upon of your first face off with the one by two foot porcelain wash pad you would later yearn to explore again and again. Lo! The Turk may become an inescapable denigration of your entire existence. Focused on the monotony and pointlessness of life you will turn on your faith just in time to be awash in a sea of self imposed nihilism. Your loved ones will suffer as you do, pawns to a material culture of petty triumphs and empty losses. You'll remember, sitting there- fattening- banging out a plea for funding on the keyboard, that you once had a heart and a spirit, that in your youth you took chances and believed in positive social change. Your regrets will crystallize in the forefront of your mind. You didn't do enough. You didn't try hard enough. People were still starving, still without work and still exploited en masse by the rich, violent and powerful. You were cognizant of this and yet, you sought refuge and isolation in the bosom of the West. Its been years since your legs cramped up while perched over a rusty hole filled with the unflushed taints of strangers. Years since you felt that primal connection to your fellow man. You tried to regain the blissful happiness that western toilets bring, but you never could because you were young once and pooping in a Turk.